Wednesday, January 25, 2006 1/25/2006 07:02:00 PMY
its been a long time seens i blog. there is nth to blog about. my whole life is left with sch home. then sch then home. i noe it sucks. getting into that bad mood again. where i start to think of lots of things. this is when i realise that i have not forgotten anything. i jus try to hide it. but it all still there. the feelings and all. i hate myself for being like that. but i can't control the way i feel. so i guess i am still that sickening guy. that idiot guy. deep down in my heart i still love u. but guess the u hates me now. have anyone ever noe how it feels for the one u love so much to hate u. where can a person put such a pain away. my world become so empty, my days are so clod and lonely. each night i taste the purest of pain.
Saturday, January 14, 2006 1/14/2006 05:03:00 PMY
today is a very boring day.
Thursday, January 12, 2006 1/12/2006 09:27:00 PMY
blogging blogging blogging. y do people blog. y do i blog. do guys that blog means they are gay. blogging for me now is to write things that i feel cos i got no one to talk to. so writing it out here will make inside feel better. i am trying to move on. working real hard on it. moving abit already. the onli thing now is that she hates me. thats the part i am most sad of. but i will hope that she will be able to forgive me. jus dun hate me for too long. can't we even be friends??? someone told me. she is not worth it. but i think she is. cannot be my girl friend still can be friend rite.. but i dunno. anyway i read that her hand still hurts. dun think she will read this. but i pray that ur hand heal faster. and it won't hurt anymore. may God bless u.
Monday, January 09, 2006 1/09/2006 03:08:00 PMY
haven been bloging cos my com down again. so onli can use com in sch. which means i using it now in sch. dun really noe wad to blog. nth much happen to my boring life. oh. something new might happen. cos i maybe changing course. which means i will not be studying mechatronics in tp. but maybe tourism in tp. but i have to go and see the course manger first and all. if everything goes well then i will most probably be starting sch same time as the o level students. that means i have wasted one year. but wad for staying in a course i dunno like at all. then if i can go tourism then aaron also can go then maybe we will get to be in the class. but it all have to see wad the teacher says. hope can. ivp starting today. but our match is not until fri. sent her the fixtures for my match but i dun think she will come and watch. anyway today most probably having friendly with my coursin team the air force. so thats about it. over here i would like to share something.
love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 corinthians 13: 4-7)
so if u r wondering wad love is and find it a very difficult question to answer. here is one answer that i think is very good. btw if u r wondering where i get this from, its from the bible. i believe in God and have faith in him. therefore i believe wad the bible say. that love is patient, love is kind. it does not evny, it does not boast. and it is not self-seeking.
this maybe the area i went wrong last time. too much self- seeking. but i am beinging to learn from the bible. this shows how great our God is that even at this time when i am hurt and all i still get to learn something and that he has a plan for everything that has happen. so thats about it. for those who dunno about God and would like to noe more i will be more than willing to talk to u about it. and tell u wad i believe. but i may not be too good at it. i onli noe i believe. take care people. will try to blog soon. tag me if u wan. cos my tag board abit empty. haha. God Bless.
Thursday, January 05, 2006 1/05/2006 08:20:00 PMY
i think i finally woke up. i am awake. ya having a relationship tied her down. jus glad that she is free and happy. didn't do much yesterday. slpet my whole day away actually. then went for training. anyway today went to sch. java sux. i fail java test. sux man. then also fail D Fund. but did not bad. one of the best in my class actually. then for ssmat i got the highest in class. so happy. never have i get highest for anything. then was in ssmat tutorial when gf msg me. ask me go watch movie at 4. but my lesson ends at 4. so i had to run out of class half way to meet her. told teacher i had doc appointment. haha. but anyway i also got loa. she was late. wad can i say man. haha. then we watch Elizabethtown. ok onli lar. then after that walk walk and now i am here. did a bit of thinking today when i saw a very short e mail. hit me right in the face. quite hard actually. but guess it was good. at least it woke me up. so yup i will listen to the advise greg gave me. its good. guess now for the time being she hates me. hope she dun hates me for long. cos i still wan to be friends. but not at this point of time. yup i am slowly moving on i guess. thats good and i am happy that i am doing it. can't wait to move all the way. today i came to understand and see a different side of things. so i woke up. thanks to all the people that actually show their care for me. and thanks for all the advise and the asking of me to cheer up. really shows that when i am in such a state i have such friends around. great i guess. so thanks u all. and sorry to u. that i cos u so much trouble and pain and sadness. hate me now. but dun hate me for long. cos i would like to have a day where i can shake ur hand and we will be friends again. if that happens then actually God really make all things happen for a reason. cos i last time dunno u well. then becos of wad we had i got to noe u better. and after wad have happen we still can be friends then i guess we will end up being closer friends then way before when i didn't noe u well. so maybe God's plan was for us to be better friends. ya. so anyway. thanks to everyone... esp... gf.. who company me here and there. trying to scold me to wake me up. and for chad. thanks for caring. and the cd too. and of cos must thanks jasmine. cos she was there to talk to me online. and also help me make my blog until so nice. haha. to me its nice lar. and also to irene. thanks for all the vcds. will return u soon. so thats about it. oh and han lin. for wanting to meet but never had a chance. but its ok at least u tried. so now i can say Happy New Year. cos at least i found back some of my happiness. love u all. God bless u all. and me too.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006 1/04/2006 11:01:00 AMY
today was boring. i noe i dun go sch. go sch for one hour onli. waste time. might as well slp at home. then after class dunno where to go at all. seems like i really have no friends ar. all alone by myself again. so i took a bus home. and here i am. today i went out of the house telling myself i got to be happy. but after sch and all. finding myself all alone. thinking back at things. i realise i was not happy again. so officially now my life sux. seem like i try to make it better. but there is jus nth for me to look forward to. where is my motivation to life. when i wake up everything seems so blur. like it was jus yesterday where i had everything. had happiness. but then it all seems to go away as quickly as it came. leaving me wif onli sadness. maybe i am jus to emotional. maybe. maybe. maybe. maybe i will never get over it. maybe i will be like that. maybe i will change to become a different person. maybe. everything is maybe. like the lyrics of the song u r listening to. only heaven knows wad will become of me. and if i will be happy again wif the one i love.
Monday, January 02, 2006 1/02/2006 10:28:00 PMY
tml start sch already. hope sch can help me keep my mind off things for a while. but how long can i run away from it. last night talk to greg. he told me alot of things. i should let go. thats wad he told me. cos i should not make her unhappy. told him i would do anything for her. even if it cost my life. some one told me this. dun because of one tree give up the whole forest. but i return him wif this words. she is the whole forest to me. so wad am i to do. my mind tells me that moving on is the right think to do. but my heart tells me that i still love her alot. anyway today i went to jav house. watch vcd. then we went to eat dinner cos xavier birthday coming. then we went to play cs. very long never play already. so quite fun. but all the fun came to and an end. and wad i thought i will not think of came back in. how i wish i would jus forget all. then i won't hurt so much. but i guess i won't be able to forget. dunno y also. but i wan u to be happy thats all. i guess u won't noe. cos i think u dun read my blog anymore. i guess u hate me already. and find me irritating. i am sorry thats all i can say but i can't stop my heart from feeling this way. really sorry. =(
Sunday, January 01, 2006 1/01/2006 05:59:00 PMY
today was quite a bad day. first its raining the whole day. sucks. today i heard a song and i wanted to write it here. part of it. (maybe my love will come back some day, only heaven knows. maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows. all i can do is hope and pray cause heaven knows.) (she is always on my mind, from the time i wake up till i close my eyes.) (even now she is gone i am still holding. tell me where do i start cos its breaking my heart. dun wan to let her go.) thats one song. parts from here and there. there another song. buy its chi. so i will try to change it to eng. ( my love will be with u forever, there will be a day when we hold hands together in the park listening to the bird sing.) i guess M u should noe wad song this is. the starting of the song is 1943.thats all for today. sorry no mood to write anything and wad happen to my day. so i will like to wish u all Happy New Year. hope urs will be happy.
